Why do we bother pursuing an intimate relationship in which a large portion of it is spent away from one another, with no physical contact for however many days, weeks, months?
Brittany Maylyn Du Bois
I am in a long-distance relationship.
I know. Why the heck would I do such a thing? I’m young. Just in my twenties. In my “prime” (whatever that means). Why would I commit to something that could potentially hurt me or “hold me back.”
Let’s pause for a moment, and allow me to explain my situation.
Hi. My name is Brittany. I reside in the U.S., happily on the humid east coast. My partner lives on the other side of the ocean, in a completely different time zone and a completely different country: France. Our friends and colleagues are often taken aback when they find out that we’re long-distance, and we always get that same cursed question: why?
Insensitivity aside, they do have a point. Why do we bother pursuing an intimate relationship in which a large portion of it is spent away from one another, with no physical contact for however many days, weeks, months?
Well, let me tell you. It’s the same reason why one would be in an emotionally intimate close-distance relationship: love.
And while every couple has their own way of coping with the circumstances of their relationship, I am here to tell you that there are several important things you need to remember to make the most of your long-distance relationship. Whether you are three hours away and visit each other every month, or you require an 8-hour plane ride that you can afford just for the holidays to see them — what I’m about to tell you translates across any type of healthy relationship, because whatever the distance, these lessons should be at the very foundation of your togetherness.
So, without further ado, here are 5 philosophies that have been helping me survive (and thrive) in my long-distance journey.
one: Communicate on how much you expect to communicate
Long distance is hard, but it does not mean you have to talk to each other every second of every day. It also does not mean you should only call each other when you have something important to say. One of the first things you should do is bring up your expectations with one another. How often should we try to call each other? How often should we text? What is expected of me? What should I expect from them?
This doesn’t have to be terribly specific, as in, you don’t need to go all out and schedule every call and text. It just means that you should definitely have an idea of what kind of communication your partner would like, and what kind would you like, too. My partner, for example, isn’t a huge talker. He’s not clingy in the least bit, so I assumed for a while that he preferred not talking much. Over time, he asked me if I was OK, because he knows I like to text a bit more often, and I wasn’t doing it as frequently as I used to. I told him that I thought he was bothered by that, and he immediately told me that he is always happy to hear from me, even if he’s not always being the one to initiate. And when I don’t communicate much, it turns out, he gets quite sad.
We hadn’t talked about this, about our needs, and in that case, we were both holding back. Now, I am totally unashamed to text him whenever I feel like it, knowing that though he doesn’t respond right away, it’s just because he’s not a big escort in El Paso texter (in fact, he texts me the most out of his contacts, so hey).
Today, with communication being so convenient in this digital world, it feels like we ALWAYS have to be connected, but that’s just not the case. Learn about each other’s communication needs.
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